Few things affect a man’s confidence level as severely as erectile dysfunction. No matter how aware a man might be that occasional struggles with ED are common, it’s still a tough thing to overcome. Getting your confidence back after an ongoing problem with ED is especially challenging, but it’s not impossible
If you or your partner has had a bout of erectile dysfunction, what do you need to know about repairing your confidence?
First, it’s important to understand that ED is often connected to anxiety. Feeling anxious can cause problems and those problems can cause someone to experience even more anxiety. It creates a vicious cycle that feeds off of itself and erodes confidence.
Understanding the root cause of ED is an important part of restoring confidence. Identifying the medical issue and treating it might be enough to resolve ED. However, there are often other causes, either occurring in combination with a medical issue or acting alone. Understanding the root cause of the issue is the best place to begin resolving the problem.
According to Lisa Thomas, LMFT, “For most men, erectile problems are caused by an anxiety issue, not a medical issue. While prescriptions such as Viagra, Levitra, and Cialis may help to solve the problem of getting an erection, you may not get to the core of why your penis is having difficulty getting hard in the first place. By then you are committed to taking prescriptions and “timing” when we are sexual for the rest of your sexual relationship.”
If the core of the issue is medical, it might be easier to regain confidence. If you’re able to achieve an erection and engage in satisfying sex after the medical issue is resolved, you are less at risk for issues with confidence.
At least one study shows that resolving medical ED issues improves confidence automatically. The study looked at more than 200 men dealing with ED, about half of whom were taking medication to alleviate the problem. Men who experienced improvements in erectile function also saw improvements in self-esteem, confidence, and relationship satisfaction.
If there is another cause of ED, problems with confidence are far more common.
When this is the case, it’s best to begin with an assessment of your relationship. A candid discussion with your partner – outside of the bedroom – helps you remove a lot of the anxiety in sexual encounters. Some of the questions it helps to explore with your partner include:
- Am I happy with how often we have sex?
- Do I enjoy the experience and the “routine” we follow when having sex?
- Is sex an opportunity for emotional connection for us?
- Are we communicating about sex effectively and do we pick up on one another’s cues about sex?
A less-than-satisfying sex life is often a component in ED. If one or both partners are unsatisfied, it can trigger ED. An occasional issue with ED can trigger dissatisfaction. This leads to one or both partners avoiding sexual encounters because of the anxiety associated with these encounters. Less frequent and/or unfulfilling sexual encounters create more anxiety when the sparse encounters do occur.
This cycle of avoidance and anxiety only makes things worse. Open and honest communication about sex is an essential part of recovery and restoring confidence.
Make It Fun
People forget sex is supposed to be fun. In addition to the anxiety that accompanies erectile dysfunction making it not fun, long term partners also face a variety of real-life issues that can take away the magic of the moment.
For many, especially those who have been together for a long time, sex becomes predictable and routine. It’s another chore that both people feel obligated to perform. This takes away the joy and the desire to engage in sex.
Making sexual intimacy a priority and slowing down to enjoy sex is one of the best ways to improve your sex life and connection all-around. Even though there are still occasional problems with ED, enjoying the closeness, flirting, and everything else involved in sex can boost confidence.
When someone avoids dealing with issues related to sex and intimacy, it can mean they have a difficult time managing their anxiety. It also exacerbates anxiety and leads to issues within the relationship.
Overcoming ED, restoring your confidence, and improving your relationship takes work. It requires being candid with your partner and asking for what you need, even if that’s just patience and understanding. It also requires you to show the same understanding to your partner. Remember, when you experience ED within a committed relationship it affects both partners. You aren’t alone.
Both people finding ways to relax, improve their mindset, and focus on their partner’s pleasure during sexual encounters all go a long way in boosting confidence and improving the relationship.
Regardless of whether there are medical roots to issues with erectile dysfunction, it’s important to deal with the emotional issues linked to the problem. Getting your confidence back after a bout of ED takes time and effort, but it can be an enjoyable experience for everyone involved.
